STORY OF A SCARED GIRL

This is the story of a scared girl who looks just like every other human being. Although, she is different in terms of living, loving, speaking and expressing herself. She fears to express herself, fears to love herself, fears to stand as an individual among others. She is not the usual person you meet every day. She is a scared self who hides the true self from the rest of the world, even the people she is close to.

The early stages of her life weren’t really good. Whatever she used to speak was suppressed with loud and judgy voices that indirectly made her lose her voice, her power to outshine in the world and developed a fear within her which grows bigger day by day. All the voice that she had in her died, all the confidence to fly high above the sky died.

During its transformation to become a young adult, she learned to distance herself from the rest of the world. She was close yet so distant from everyone. There was only one person that she used to talk the way she is, the way she wants and expressed herself but as time passed, the voice gradually faded away because the young girl didn’t want to strain the only person she has. That person was the only she has and never wanted to lose her and decided to mute herself, her feelings from everyone.

Gradually, she learned how to pretend in front of others so that no one could witness the true her. Although there have been times when she got exposed but she knew how to cover it up and didn’t let people know what goes in her every single day. Being a sufferer and knowing the pain, she tries to become the shoulder, the source of happiness of the others and motivates them because she doesn’t wanna see any other like her. But she is never able to motivate herself. She never spoke what she heard because she how badly it hurts and that’s the reason, she never shows her anger to anyone. She is a scared girl who does have a few people close to her that means the world to her, but sometimes they bring up all the bad memories in her through their actions, their words, unintentionally of course, but they do. They don’t know how their one single word is enough to tear her heart into pieces and again she losses herself. She is not depressed, she is just scared, scared to lose all she has right now and most importantly, scared to lose her in this world. With frequent outbreaks of crying and cursing herself under various circumstances, she losses herself bit by bit. Every morning she promises to herself to love herself, to fight her fears, but some things don’t let her. She doesn’t fake when she says she is losing herself; she means it that she isn’t good, she means it every single time when she asks you to don’t trigger her insecurities, her fears. Every single thing makes her lose her mind even more. She is not the usual ‘She’ she used to be once. Everything is lost, the ‘She’ is lost.

But despite all this, I see her as a strong person who still has the potential to spread her wings and fly high and I know she will because she is scared not broken.

–  APREKSHA MATHUR

How is it to be a MAN

Boys. The most fascinating yet the most mysterious character in the world. The underrated yet the purest heart in the world. It is so hard to define a boy. I have always wondered how is it to be a boy. To be a person who has all the eyes on him. To be a person who is judged by his future. To have everyone’s expectations and responsibility on him. No one could ever understand.

I live around so many men taking my father, my brothers, my male friends, yet I could not predict what they are thinking, what they are going through right now. The reason being their smiling faces. Whenever you look up at them, you see a guy of a certain age happily doing his work but in reality, there are a lot of stories behind that “happy” person. There is a family who has to feed, had a breakup recently, trying to make strategies to save his friend from a fight, being worried about someone in his life who is not okay or might be just thinking about his future by visualizing a man carrying everyone’s responsibility on his back without any complaints. That’s how a boy is, quiet or cheerful from outside, but under pressure from inside.

We always talk about girls, the problems they face, the hardships they go through, but why no one talks about boys, the problems they face, the hardships they go through. It is because we live in a world full of stereotypes; ‘men don’t cry’, ‘men are born strong’, ‘men have no feelings’. All these nuisance are filled in both boys and girls since their birth. These are the ‘rules’ that define a boy’s character. If there is a boy who is crying then he’s weak. If there’s a boy who is sharing his pain, his feelings to someone he trusts then he’s weak. How can you call that person weak if he/she expresses their pain, their feelings, and what is wrong in shedding a few tears?

Boys go through so much that no one can ever imagine of. They study so hard so that they could secure their future to provide the best life to their parents and to prevent any finger to raise against them. They mend their broken hearts without showing a single drop of emotion. They put their life to save their friends or their friendship; a rare scenario that deserves respect. They are known as the craziest ones in friendship because when they call someone their friend, they are never gonna leave their hand even if it pains them a lot. They show their happy faces so that no one would ever know what’s going inside them as they don’t want people to worry about them. They are someone who deserves respect and a kind heart to see through their actual self, who could understand their silence, their pain, and most importantly, them.

If a boy is reading this, I respect you for all the efforts you do for your loved ones without caring about yourself. You deserve all the love, happiness and respect for what you are and what you do. It is completely okay to shed some tears, to talk to someone about your feelings, it’s completely normal. You just need beautiful eyes and a pure heart to understand and respect you. Don’t let these stereotypes stop you and always believe in yourself.

To all the girls out there, respect your father, understand your brother, stand with your male friends and support your husband. Respect the efforts they put in for your happiness and try to reciprocate the same. You know it is hard for them to express but just be with them, that’s the cure to their pain. Just be with them, support them and understand them.

Life isn’t easy both for boys and girls, but if the society decides to be considerate towards them instead of poking their nose in other’s business and stop preaching these bullshit stereotypes, we could make a world perfect to live in.

This article is incomplete because there is so much about boys that are yet to be discovered and it would be great if we start respecting boys and their feelings. They do have a heart of gold that just needs someone to discover its beauty.

–  APREKSHA MATHUR

BE A WARRIOR NOT A SUFFERER

What is exactly we all are suffering from COVID-19 or Mental Health?

Well if you ask me, I’ll choose mental health. In my opinion, we don’t die when our breaths stop, we die when we the will to live in us stops. And that’s what we all are suffering from. All of us in one or another way. Every day sitting in one room, looking at those walls, again and again, feeling like an animal trapped in a cage, we are not ok. We all want to relive those moments that were once a huge part of your lives. There is so much to say, so much to express, but still, we can’t. What made us like that? Why we are becoming so insensitive to ourselves? Why are we depending ourselves on others to understand us when we can do it ourselves? Why are we doing this to ourselves?

I’m not going to give you a lecture because I know it doesn’t work. But I know the way how to make it out.

Our generation is too much dependent on others that even for living happily, we depend on others. This is not just about you and me, it is about us, all of us. We are on a mission, a mission to hunt something, something that we don’t even know ourselves, something that is drifting us apart from us only.

I know there are problems, problems that no one can ever imagine, but that doesn’t mean we will lose ourselves. I am not saying talk with someone, tell your problems to them, because I know it’s not easy. It is very hard to speak out about your feelings. There are times when you have people to talk to but you can’t just because you can’t. And this is for people like us. Who have a lot to share but are still mum. We just want to cry out, cry out so badly that the pain goes away. We do not want a solution; we just want someone to hug us tightly that we no more feel alone.

But hey, can we just start over? Can we just stop searching happiness and solace in others when we are the ones who can help ourselves? I know it won’t be easy, it will take some time, some time to figure out things, some time to get ourselves from the lost world. But believe me, this is the only solution. No one can love you better than yourself. What if we stop our search, just stop wherever we are and start again? Whatever we are searching for in others can we just provide that to ourselves without any external help? Can we just call us as warriors and not as sufferers? I know there are hard times, times when so many bad thoughts cross our minds but can we help ourselves out? Why is it so hard to love ourselves? Why do we expect others to come and love us? We are who we are and not someone cast by someone else.

If you have watched the movie, Shakuntala Devi, you must have realized it that she fought against all the odds; she had no childhood, always believed that her parents don’t love her, the men she loved left her in the middle; but she is someone to be inspired from. Not just because she is a genius and world-famous mathematician, but because she lived for herself. Even after all the difficulties she faced, she knew how to appreciate herself and always put herself first and then others. That’s what I wanted to share, value yourself, love yourself first. No one can love you and appreciate you than yourself. You are the one whom you are looking for in others. Just look in yourself and treat yourself nicely first. Talk to yourself, appreciate yourself, and gradually fall in love with yourself. You are beautiful the way you are. You just need your love and support to be happy and successful. You just need YOU. Think about it. Hope this article helps you to see yourself in a different way, in a more beautiful manner. Hope now we won’t need a vaccine for mental health as well and can treat ourselves alone without external help. Hope you will be happy from now on. Hope you won’t let yourself down. Remember you are a warrior, not a sufferer.

– APREKSHA MATHUR

ALL GENDERS MATTER

When we were in junior classes, we got to know that there are two gender groups: masculine and feminine. As we grew up, we got to know that there is another category as well like kinner. Kinner are the transgender or intersex people. They are no different from other human beings. The only difference that differentiates male, female, and transgender is our sex chromosome. It is not something to choose, it is something you are born with. Still, our society treats them as if they are non-human or alien or like a cursed human. Why? Because they didn’t get their brain constructed properly. A few years back, the Government of India announced that all human rights are valid for transgenders as well. Well first of all, who are we to decide who deserves rights or not? Who are we to decide this gendered form or caste form is allowed to live in society? Who gave us the right to decide what is pure and impure? Does God give some sort of ‘special powers’ to us? I’m sure he isn’t a fool to give such no root powers to the people who claim to be the protectors of the society. It is the God who created us. He created us the way he wants to see us then who are we to judge his making. Transgenders are human as well and they deserve to be treated equally. This statement is proven both in terms of god and terms of sciences. If anyone still has some problem with this then I think you should be declared as non-human and harmful for society. You are harming society and the people, not them.

The thing that triggered me to write this is that whenever we fill any form and it asks for our gender, there is no mention of transgenders. In some cases, there is only male and female and in other cases, there is another category of others as well. Why there is no specific mention of transgenders. They are a gendered form as well and need to be recognized equally as males and females. If you want to know the gender of the person then ask specifically. They aren’t others, they are a part of their gender. Either ask appropriately or don’t ask for it. So next time if you make any form, do specify the gender categories and give them equal attention or don’t ask for it.

If any transgender is reading this, then believe me you are a beautiful art created by god. Don’t let the words of some people affect you. You are a child of God. Exceptions are always treated differently by others but that doesn’t mean you can’t shine out in the world. Feel proud to be who you are and don’t see yourself through other’s eyes as no is perfect to judge others.

If you are of some other gender, then please start respecting all the genders as well. Gender isn’t a choice; it is something you are born with. When God looks equally at all of us then who are you to discriminate them. Start respecting everyone and treat them equally.

I think this is our basic human rights and not something that the government should come forward and teach us. So, let us teach everyone through our words and actions that basic human rights apply to everyone and those who intend to interfere in this, I have the best idiom for you: chulloo bhar paanee mein doob jao.

Let’s not discriminate against people based on their sex chromosomes because it’s the creation of god not something in our hands.

– APREKSHA MATHUR

EDUCATION POLICY CHANGED, TIME TO CHANGE PARENTS

On 30 July, when I woke up in the morning and was checking my mobile like almost every day, I came across the most sudden news of the year. The Education Policy has been released. The most awaited news for so many decades has been finally announced. Now there will be no cramming tips given to the students instead they would learn and understand things and implement them. Students will be given small projects to do so that they could understand what they learned and learn to implement their knowledge of practical performance and not just fill their answer sheets. Now no one will say science students are superior to the arts or commerce students. There will be no rigid separation among the various streams.

That moment, I was happy. Happy that now children will understand, they will have the practical knowledge which is required. Happy that now no parent will scold their child on getting bad grades as grades aren’t everything. Wish my latter happiness would come into play. I often witness parents scolding their children on getting fewer grades than the topper, even though the difference being 1%. Strange isn’t it? How we judge our children based on what they score and ignore what they have learned. I find it strange how people judge a person’s intelligence by the number of degrees he/she has. You could be a graduate and still be a fool.

We often blame the government for everything. ‘Government should change the education policies. They are old now.’ Well, they have changed now so when are you going to change? Do you now pledge not to judge your child based on his mark-sheet and would rather focus on what he gained from it? I believe you will. We all use Microsoft but forget how Bill Gates became the founder of Microsoft. The light bulb was a very important invention in humankind and let us not forget the person who invented it. The government changed, now parents it’s your turn. Change your viewpoint and start appreciating your child on the little he does and motivate him/her.

– APREKSHA MATHUR

IS NATURAL

It is natural to stain your bed sheets every night.

It is natural to go in your kitchen.

It is natural to visit a temple.

All this Is Natural but doesn’t considered that way. Does it?

I often come across people telling me stories about how they modernized themselves, their way of living, and all that materialistic things. But does that make them actually “modern” or I should say to have a “broader mindset”? Well, no. They do seem to like to live a modern life by counting on their ornaments, accessories but visiting a temple with your periods on isn’t acceptable. Why? Because that’s what we are. We change our lifestyle believing we stand different from the old policies but deep down we still are one of them. Leave temple, girls aren’t allowed in the kitchen during periods. Why? Because they’re considered as impure. Because the blood coming out from them makes them impure. Natural but impure.

Isn’t it ironic that every month a girl bleeds for a week except for 9 months while she’s pregnant? Well here, the latter is considered as a blessing, precisely a God’s gift but the former is considered impure when everyone knows that both came from the same place from the same person. It always seemed funny to me when people, according to their needs and gain, divide things into pure and impure, despite having the same origin.

We say god created this world. He made us, girls as well. If everything is made by him, everything is in his control, then why a girl with her periods on, which was gifted to her by the god himself, is forbidden inside a temple and considered as an untouchable by ‘god’s people’.

God created us the way he wants us to see, then who are we to put a restriction on his creation and label them as impure or untouchable. It is natural to bleed, natural to suffer a week every month, natural to stand among everyone in a temple, and to go in the kitchen with periods on.

Before changing your lifestyle, change your mindset. A girl is pure in every way and no men and women have the power to look down at her and treat her guilty for something which isn’t in her hands.

To the girls reading this, feel proud that you are healthy and normal and not suffering from amenorrhea, which is the absence of menstruation. Feel proud that you are building yourself up to bring a new life in this world. Feel proud that you are a woman. You are a part of nature.

To the boys reading this, don’t let a girl feel ashamed of it, support her, and take care of her.

To everyone, kindly change your mind set before changing your wardrobe.

This is natural.

– APREKSHA MATHUR